Chapter 3 – What to do next, BIG decisions

July 21, 2020Richard and Lewis

So, it’s Friday afternoon and we’ve officially had the paperwork through from Gemma for a couple of weeks and we have completely filled in the forms, but we haven’t yet sent them off. After having Gemma round to talk about the process and it sort of bringing to light Rich’s worry of not having our support network close enough to us, has sort thrown a spanner in the works. We have had quite a few chats about what we should do, with some of them ending with us agreeing to crack on, some of the ending with us deciding that it isn’t the right time and on the most part being left completely undecided. I am absolutely ready to have another child and to be honest, if we didn’t have to wait the two year period out then I would have loved to already have started the process and have the new child with us now but it’s not just about me, we are a family and we need to make decisions as one.

Yesterday we spoke to both sets of parents about the situation, as Thursday is one of the evenings where we are currently staying in London at my Mum’s house. It’s nice to have one day in the week where we don’t have to travel back home and can actually get up a little later than usual on a Friday as there will not be the big commute and traffic to contend with. It was very evident from the conversations with both sets of parents, that they would both secretly love it for us to decide to move back but are trying to be as supportive as they can and to allow us to come to our own decision.

We have decided though that tonight will be the night where we finally get ourselves to a point of making a decision and agreeing a way forward for us as a family. I am really not sure myself what way I think this is going to go. The plan for later is to get the boy settled, bathed and in bed, so we can order in a takeaway so we don’t need to worry about cooking and cleaning but instead focus on chatting things through about the next adoption. Although I would love for us to be having a takeaway as a celebration tonight that we are moving forward, I am trying to keep myself calm and relaxed about it but do have a small worry that Rich isn’t completely sure. Luckily, I am collecting the boy from Nursery, so it is helping to keep my mind off things and will now mean I am busy until Rich gets home later.

As I pull onto the drive, after picking the boy up and popping to the supermarket on the way back, I notice that Rich’s car is already parked which means he is already home. Quite a few hours earlier than he normally would be, so I am guessing he just couldn’t focus at work what with everything about the adoption on his mind. I know what he is like, if he has something on his mind like this then he will not be able to relax until he knows it’s resolved. I walk to the front door and Rich has already opened it, to which the boy is obviously so excited as it’s a bit of a treat for him. “You’re back early babe, everything okay?” to which Rich replies, as I thought “yeah, I am fine, just couldn’t think straight at work as so much on my mind and thought I would be better of just getting home to get everything sorted”. With that, Rich then asks the boy if he wants to have a bath with him, which of course the boy is super excited about, as he always loves bath playtime and especially with Dad because as you have probably gathered, he often gets to be the fun one.

The boy has been really good this evening and Rich has been great too, as the boy has been fed, bathed and read too, all well before the normal time. So, I offer to take the boy to bed, but Rich wants to put him down and takes the boy to bed for his bedtime story, so I sort out the paperwork and spread it across the dinner table. Hoping that we can go through it all and decide, before then being able to order in some food and hopefully have a toast to the next part of our journey beginning. I am sitting waiting patiently for Rich to come out, as the boy normally goes down to sleep really easily after his story but maybe today as it’s Rich, he might be being cheeky or there is the possibility that they have both drifted off to sleep. I decide to give it five more minutes and if he isn’t out, I will sneak in and see what’s going on. It felt like about a second after me thinking this, that Rich comes walking along the hallway. Finally, time to get the show on the road and make our decision.

Before we even get to sit down at the table, I can already tell exactly how this is going to go because as Rich gets closer, he doesn’t stop at the table but continues to walk towards me on the sofa and I can clearly see the tears in his eyes and they wasn’t tears of joy. I get up and hug him immediately and he says in my ear “I need to move back babe, I’m so sorry” and I reply like every loving husband would “don’t worry Rich, we will put the house up for sale and move back”. We then sit on the sofa holding hands and Rich basically starts to pour his heart out, about how he really needs to feel close to his family and friends. The issue is not the adoption at all, he really wants to have another child and a sibling for the boy to grow up with, but cannot cope with being so far away.

Rich goes on to explain that he has really loved the summers here with the beach walks, the barbecues and pool parties but the winters have been something that he has really struggled with. I feel terrible, not because I could have done anything to change this but felt I should have know something wasn’t right but Rich explains that he has been hiding it and doing his best to just get on with things, as he really wants to start the adoption for our next child. In a way, I am relieved that he just doesn’t not want another child, as it’s been something we have been talking about for so long and we both always get so excited. In my head, I really do keep things simple and am already thinking about putting the house up for sale and moving back, but I know it isn’t that simple and to be honest Rich is the one who deals with all that sort of thing anyway.

We seemed to talk for hours about everything and it is clear that Rich misses his family and friends so much, as he is such a lovely family orientated person and would do everything with them if he could. In the early stages of our relationship it was a little bit of a shock to me, as I have never really been like that. I mean I love my family dearly and love spending time with them, but I have always been the one to work away from home for months at a time like being a holiday rep, the sesame street tour and working on cruise ships. I guess I quite like my own company sometimes and wouldn’t mind if I didn’t see anyone all day, as long as Rich comes home for the evening, I would be quite happy. I know that for Rich it’s the little things that he misses the most, it’s the not being able to pop round to his Mum’s or his Sister’s for a cup of tea and chat. As we now live so far away, we just cannot do that anymore and realistically we are always living for the weekends as a family, although me and the boy have a midweek life here, it’s true that Rich really doesn’t.

After a long conversation and quite a few tears, Rich tries to sum it all up by saying “I am so sorry if I have let you and our family down, I have honestly tried my hardest to get on with it, as I know we really want a brother or sister for the boy, but I just don’t think that can be here”. I then stand up and give Rich the biggest cuddle possible, you know the sort of cuddle that tells you more than any words that you love someone so much and just say to him “You have done the opposite babe, you could never let us down and I love you more than you will ever know, so let’s get this house up for sale”. We both laughed at the comment to get the house up for sale and pack the papers away into our brand new adoption folder, which we have already created to mirror the folder from the first time around. “I will put this in a safe place to save having to fill it all in again, because as soon as we can apply, we will be” Rich says with a smile on his and that makes me so happy inside.

I then go out to the kitchen, grab the local Chinese takeaway menu and come back in to say “the plan was a takeaway, so let’s get it ordered and start planning for the future”. Once I know there is a plan, I really do like to start getting the ball rolling, even if sometimes I don’t really even know what I am talking about. I just really like to show that I want to get on with it and ultimately do everything I can to help Rich be able to live back closer to his family, as I would hate for him to ever feel upset like this again. Luckily, we already own another house back where we used to live, that Rich was building with his business partner when we first met and it’s been rented out ever since, so we at least have this as an option. I’ve been to that house numerous times and always liked the open plan layout, but I know Rich wouldn’t ever want to give notice to his tenants as he is such a nice landlord and would probably feel like he was making someone homeless if he had to ask them to move out. But Rich was the one who brought this up, so it must be something that has crossed his mind to enable us to move back quickly, rather than finding a house to buy and then going through that whole process again. It would also take the pressure off of selling this place, as we could just move back and let the estate agents deal with everything from this end.

I quickly in state of panic think out loud “what about Gemma, what are we going to tell her?” because she was so positive and happy with our decision to move forward with the second adoption, is this going to make them not like us or think we are messing them around. Rich in a completely not concerned way replies “Gemma will understand, she always does and if anything, she will think it’s a good idea as we will then be back closer to all of our support network”. Of course, I was as usual starting to panic and worry about things that I really do not have to, but when it comes to my family and the things that could affect us, I just cannot help it. The day really hasn’t turned out how I expected but it has turned out how I would have wanted it to, with me and Rich working together as a team as usual to solve any problems and come to a decision together. Okay the adoption may be slightly delayed now and we will have to go through the whole process of moving again, but what is most important, is that I will be shortly enjoying a takeaway with the love of my life, with our little boy tucked up nicely in bed. We have a plan for the future now too, which will mean we are back closer to our family, our friends and will then be on the journey to a brother or sister for the boy.

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